Archive for March 2008

Self Appointed Camp Musician Guy

March 31, 2008

There is one in every bunch. This is such a funny video, from a Young Life leader in Saranac.

Check out more video’s from This Leader on YouTube

It’s Getting Hot in Here…

March 31, 2008

Apparently the world has changed drastically in the last couple of years. For the most part churches could avoid or hide from the drastic leaps in technology that the pagans revelled in, but this is no longer the case.

Now churches have podcasts, and blogs, and all sorts of other words the unenlightened must wikipedia. As a youth pastor I am usually up on the latest, and enjoy scoffing at friends who are just now setting up their myspace pages.

Then a few days ago, someone asked me if I Twitter. Not wanting to look ignorant I responded by saying that I am a frequent Twitterer, or Twitteree, and could even be considered somewhat of a Twitterist. Then I went straight home to figure out what this person was talking about. I learned I am not a Twitterbug, nor do I have any desire to become one…by the way if you twitter, I am currently typing these words (inside joke).

So we’re in church and the preacher is preaching, and everything is status quo, until someones phone went off to the tune of “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes.”

And I of course thought of all of you. Wait, not because I want you to take your clothes off…that didn’t come out right…I didn’t…oh, never mind.

The Bayer Adoption Garage Sale

March 29, 2008

I know, I know…this is supposed to be about church. Well in this particular case it is about church, but it happens away from the building, at a house.

In this case it is the home of our family friends, Zach & Holly Bayer. The reason this is about church is that a community of people have gathered around this couple, to help them adopt a child from Ethiopia.

People have generously given them televisions, couches, fine china, and a kitchen sink (literally), for a garage sale, to raise money. Apparently when you adopt you have to pay thousands of dollars in fees to get a baby. This is not to be confused with buying a baby, which can only be done on the black market. I imagine this requires speaking to people who either have curly mustaches or wear eye patches (but are not pirates).

This morning, Zach called me over to help him move a TV they just sold to a single woman, who did not have the means of teleporting the item to her home. I’ve moved furniture before, so I think this will be a piece of cake.

It was not. The TV wasn’t huge, but it was awkward to move because it can’t be removed from the wooden hutch it resides within. Add to that the brilliant idea from the manufacturer to put it on a swivel stand. And, if that isn’t enough, there are no wheels.

This unit which remember does not come apart, is chest high, and must be carried from the bottom as there is no where to grip it from the sides. Another defect I blame on the manufacturer.

In order to get this beastly object from point A to point B, we both had to overcome a serious obstacle for most men. Pride.

You see, with people watching us, we had to pick up the unit and get it as far as we could. Which on average was about three-and-a-half feet.

Internally, we are both thinking “I don’t want to put this thing down, that would be admitting defeat, but I think I just cut my hand open. Is that blood? I think I’m gonna pass out.”

Another time I thought “I can go another eight steps, no problem, oh no, my hand slipped and now I’m holding my end with one hand and my ear…PUT IT DOWN, PUT IT DOWN!”

We finally made it. All the way out of the garage and into the truck (about 15 feet). It took about a half hour.

We get to the ladies apartment complex and park. She tells us she is apartment one hundred something. Which is about a hundred yards from where we parked. We start praying for God to give us super human strength. He sent us a maintenance worker with a hand dolly.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Caden + Church = Potty Training

March 24, 2008

This Sunday my nephew, who is three years old, visited our church for Easter. Right as a song was ending at the pinnacle of silence, he frantically blurts out “I have to pee!”

The timing was perfect. Everyone within a square mile heard him, and grins and chuckles abounded.

Since I was sitting on the end, my instincts told me it would be a good idea to move out of the way. From the tone of my nephew’s voice, I was guessing he needed to go rather quickly.

Later, the person sitting behind said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move so fast.”

Do you have any funny stories about kids in church?

Late Night Church Monsters

March 23, 2008

Churches can be a place of hope, and light, and warmth. Church can also be a terrifying place, especially at night. Occasionally, as the last staff person to leave, it would fall on me to go around and lock up. This required making sure that all of our heating, computers, and lights were turned off.

Once everything in our church was off, it went from dark to pitch black. For some reason the light switches were nowhere near the exit doors, so you would have to feel your way to safety. All the way along, hearing creaks and groans coming from floor boards, closets, and window panes.

I’m not ashamed to admit, that I am still a little bit afraid of the dark. Well, not so much the dark, but the idea of what can happen in the dark. You know, falling down stairs, running into sharp metal objects, being chased by monsters. The usual stuff.

If it’s possible, I think I may have prayed harder in church during those late evening lock-ups, than I did during morning services.

Ritz Crackers and Racoons

March 22, 2008

I was in high school when our youth group got together with other groups from our denomination. I was bunking with a college chaperon, I idolized named Dave Melendez.

One day after a morning session, I was on my way back to the room when all of a sudden Dave, and another leader named Kevin, quickly bust out of the room. Slamming the sliding glass door behind them, they look around with a look of panic, and instruct me hastily, “Do not go in there!”

So now I’m a little curious, but before I can ask what’s going on, I hear the sound of breaking glass and screeching.

Dave and Kevin look at each other, like they just broke dad’s favorite chair, and Kevin takes off, presumably to hide, or get help, or both.

Apparently, at some point in the morning these two wonderful spiritual role models decided to entice a raccoon to come into the room with cookies, and then trap it for observation.

They did not realize that raccoons, when trapped, have the strength and agility to rip apart curtains, bedding, knock over lamp stands, tear down shower curtains, and do a number of other destructive things, all in the span of about 3 minutes.

About $250 dollars in damage later, the raccoon was safely released back into the wild, and Dave and Kevin learned a valuable lesson on respecting God’s creatures.

Any Given Sunday

March 20, 2008

sundayservice.jpeg Growing up, I typically enjoyed going to church. However, if you had to pick a service to miss, confirmation Sunday was definitely the one. Each student was given a Bible verse to memorize, and would be asked two questions about the Apostle’s Creed.

This would require approximately 5 minutes per student. An average year would yield about 15 students so we’re talking over an hour, and that is just the confirmation aspect.

It is a rule, that you must sing at least 2 songs at every church service. This rule may not be broken under any circumstance, or the congregation would call for an immediate removal of all personnel.

There must also be some sort of preaching, although in this case it can be a wrap up sermon condensed to 5-10 minutes. Now I realize that for some, a 90 minute service is nothing. I know some charismatic churches that regularly push the 4 hour mark.

However, if you are a part of a traditional liturgical church you know how restless people get when we’re 1 minute over an hour. People will literally start leaving.

It’s classic to see people walk in and realize they’ve shown up on confirmation Sunday. If they’re paying attention, they can grab a bulletin and say something like “oh, I need to go the restroom.”

Yeah, the restroom at your house.

Better still are the ones who are not paying attention, and realize half-way down the isle. The looks on their faces is priceless. Then they’re stuck until the first song, which frees them from purgatory, as they casually slip out the back.