Sleeping on Pews is an Art

Have you ever tried to sleep in Church? I guess it really depends on what kind of seating your church has. I’ve heard of some churches having couches and what not. I bet those people have a harder time staying awake.

This is not to say that I have never fallen asleep in church. I’m just saying in my church it is harder to do. For one, I have a very strong sense of church etiquette (also known as guilt, or fear). When my wife (who does not have church etiquette) leans over and whispers to me, I lean in, but don’t look at her.

It drives her nuts. She forgets to whisper, and its all downhill from there. The louder she talks, the more I try to ignore her. This is never ends well for me.As a kid, growing up in church meant two hours of no playing, no going to the bathroom, no food or drink, and definitely no talking. We sat and we listened, even if we didn’t understand what we being said. The consequences were a firm squeeze on the shoulder and my mom or grandma’s penetrating stare-o-guilt.

So I have a general phobia of being caught doing anything wrong in church. This list includes but is not limited to sleeping during sermons. Now I have heard some great sermons, some have even changed my life, but as gifted as the many preachers I’ve listened to are, as a regular attendee, you are destined for some snoozers.

I feel guilty saying it, but its true.This is where I think the pews come into play. It is my belief that these beautifully crafted wooden seating devices were designed specifically to keep you awake, by making cutting off the circulation to your legs, and killing your back.

Even the modern ones with “padding” are a guaranteed trip to the chiropractor. If that’s not enough, the back of the pew is just low enough that you have to slouch down to rest your head on it. So to sleep you must slouch and contort your body into a pretzel because and if you are over 5 feet tall, your knees will bump into the pew in front of you.

This is no good, as the people in in that pew are sure to notice your sleep preparation and give you an over-the-shoulder, stare-o-guilt.Many mega-churches have opted to go the route of the more comfortable chair, but I think this is a mistake on their part.

I think these pastors are overestimating their ability to keep people awake, without the aid of the churches best anti-sleep device…the church pew.

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